Self-Destructive
by Victorioushallneverdie
Summary: A look into the insecurities Cabbie harbor for each other. A look, into the reason why their feelings are self-destructive.
1. Chapter 1

**Author note: This is just because my favorite author was bored of reading the same one shots over again, so I wanted to entertain her. I'm not going to say who it is, that would be too embarassing! (Its pretty obvious, CabbieFluffQueen)**

* * *

_She is a destructive person, destructive!_ I hate her!

No, that's a lie.. I could never hate her, I know that, everyone does.

It's an obvious well-known fact, it doesn't even have to be taught in school, its a natural instinct that every sentient being has when they are born.

I wish I could. She is destroying me! Its as if she's using a light saber to pierce me through my heart, every day!

Han solo has nothing on me!

You try to have feelings for cat and not be hot enough for her to notice you! Lets see if you are still that tough!

You can only date her if you're a cheater or have a blonde fetish!

No wait.. That was mean..

I'm just bitter because I'm friendzoned.

They should make it a slang, every time somebody gets friendzoned.. They got Robbie'd.

"I just wanna stay friends" "You Robbie'd me!"

Cat's the reason why I don't think those friendzone jokes are funny anymore.

She doesn't have a smile that could make the world smile with her..

But she has a smile that could make the sun rise again when its midnight.

Her smile can lift me up faster than a bodybuilder could.

Her dimples just make my stomach flutter, giving me a practical understanding of why they call it 'butterflies'. It just tickles me from the inside, especially when she laughs at one of my joke.

_Or give me stomach ache when she flashes them flirtatiously to another guy._

I love her random way of thinking. She is unpredictable, I love that because predictable is boring, ask Beck if you don't believe me.

He likes unpredictable in a way that fights back, doesn't always do what he wants

I like unpredictable in a sense of being able to always pleasantly surprise with a lovely story, a heartwarming giggle, or beautiful optimism that the world should share with her. Stories about her brothers may be done a lot, but they never cease to amaze me.

_Lovely stories she would share to her future husband.._

_Who wouldn't be me because I'm not good enough for her._

I just love her company in general. She tingled my heart by just existing, being close to me and just living.. But an empty world is left behind when the realization dawns on me.. That this same giggle will be for another guy.

A prince charming, not a geek charming. Those with flashing smiles that have looks and personality, will treat a girl nicely but can stand up for her if needed.

You know.. _Everything I'm not._

He would caress her beautiful red hair while she looks lovingly at him, with a smile that is sought after by everyone.

A happy smile, a smile that shows she doesn't want more, she already has everything she wants. A smile that shows she's truly satisfied.

You know, _like she could never be with me._

I remember when she kissed me.. It was a few years ago, and I don't remember all the details, but I remember what I felt. I remember the warm soft sensation that were pressed on my lips for longer then three seconds.

That's three seconds more then my other kisses!

But that was a stage kiss, what I remember better, because it happened recently..

Was a certain kiss at a certain school party.

When I connected my feelings to her with a single touch of the lips.

When she connected her feelings to me when she gently closed her eyes, and met my lips.

I was sure she would have continued if I didn't pull back softly to tell her about my feelings.

Why did she kiss back if she's just going to reject me every other time, or run away right after?

I have a plausible theory, even if I say so myself. You know that prince charming I was talking about?

She forgot that it was me that she was kissing, and not that prince charming guy. She ran away because she didn't want to hurt my feelings. She didn't want to face me on the fact that she had no feelings for me after she gave me a sparkle of hope.

**How considerate.**

Sometimes it looks like she flirts with me.. No wait, I'm sure that she flirts with me in these situations. It's probable because Cat is just a flirtatious person in general, or so that she could give me extra hope before she crushes it down. Maybe I'm just there to test her moves for when she meets her prince charming.

_"Maybe I should flirt with Robbie so I have practice for when I meet an actual hot guy!"_

"Hey Moose, want a Hamburger?"

I would want any hamburger that Cat baked especially for me. She didn't offer me any though, she only does that to people she's romantically interested in.

Only proves some more that she isn't romantically interested in me.

I can't really blame her to be honest. If I were her, then I wouldn't want to date me either.

She would be bullied for dating the puppet boy, not even mentioning my personality and especially appearance flaws.

If you want muscles, go hang out with Beck and Andre, don't hang with me.

Oh wait, if you are a sane person then you would already be hanging with them, not with me.

She always rejects me, because she has no feelings for that dirty ass stalking puppet boy.

I know I'll never have a chance with her, I don't even know why I keep trying, knowing that I will just get hurt in the end..

And middle

And beginning...

It's not because I'm stupid, I am a logical person, I know she doesn't like me and that I should just stop pestering her. In fact, most of the time I go to school with that in my mind, just so I can stop trying.

But my mind goes black when I see her.

I just walk up to her with a cheeky smile and try again.

I guess she isn't destructive, she did nothing wrong.

I, myself am self-destructive

I am the one pushing a light saber in my heart..

_But I can't help it._


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Did CabbieFluffQueen just review me?**

**I'm not star struck-whut?**

Robbie is ravaging me! Why does he always have to look so cute all the time.

Probable because he uses male make up, but that's besides the point.

He looks so good when he does things.. Like walking.. And talking.. And breathing.

And I am the only one that notices! I'm so lucky!

I like-no, I love him, I'm sure of it.

I loved him for a two years now, but he never picked up on it!

Yeah, and then be a whiny baby when I get a boyfriend!

No wait... That was mean.

I'm just mad because I blew it myself.

He is my lovely prince charming, I'm sure that he likes me too.

He sang a song for me, and I was just too nervous to respond to it.

Can't you see I love you Robbie!

Of course he can't, I always give him the wrong signals.

It's so different when I'm talking to a boy that others think are cute as well, it just flows easily.

But when I talk to Robbie I always get an explosive feelings in my stomach.

Not a bad explosion! I swear!

A good explosion, of Pink Champagne and Unicorns and all the lovely stuff Robbie is!

I am ready to marry Robbie anytime, he just needs to ask.

That is, until i realize that I blew it..

Multiple times.

He gave me a chance...

Multiple times.

It wasn't only when he sang that song for me, the first time he did wasn't long after I visited his grandmother.

And when I started crushing.

A crush that led to love..

He was all hung up on kissing Trina, and thinking that she was in love with him.

So I toke my chance and showed him a 'stage kiss'.

The only acting part about it was that I acted like it was a stage kiss.

Ironic, isn't it?

I wasn't even jealous, I knew Robbie thought every attraction was love at that time.

Did he sing a song for Tori or Trina? No? Okay then, moving on.

We're getting off topic, and Cat Valentine never gets off topic.

Ooh, a bee.

.

.

.

Phooey it got away.

Oh right, i was in the middle of a story.

So yeah, I kissed him to show him what a real stage kiss was, it was just an excuse to kiss him, and he asked if I wanted to meet his parents.

Did he ask Tori or Trina to meet his parents? No? Okay then, moving on.

I was so surprised that I choked in my food, I could have-no, I should have taken that chance.

But I wasn't sure if he was just attracted, or really liked me, so I didn't respond.

If he would ask that now I'd say yes in a heart beat.

There is a difference though, now I know it isn't just an attraction.

I made the right choice, but I should have accepted the other offers!

For example, this story was also before the song. well.. Prome..

He asked me to Prome, Hollywood arts prom.

He looked so cute when he was nervous.

I already had a date, but I could have blown him off!

Normally I wouldn't want to disappoint such a nice fella as Tug, but it's Robbie we are talking about.

Helloo!

I felt bad for Tug, and we did end up having a good time at the Prome, even when Robbie was mad at me.

I never accepted another date from Tug again, sorry, I had a good time, but I can't miss another offer from Robbie

But I did.

Well, then the song happened in the timeline of our destructive love.

I was down because I got rejected by a boy I really liked. He was like a version of Robbie that isn't socially awkward!

Or as funny.. Or nice..

But he did give me the same feeling Robbie gave me!

I just never felt a nervous tingling in me when I invited him to the movie screening of the blonde squad.

I would have if I asked Robbie.

The boy ended up dumping me because he only dated blondes.

Yeah, long story,

Well, I just sat there, wanting to be left alone, but he didn't care.

He just wanted to sing that song for me..

Because he loved me

Love-d.

It was such a romantic song, and the lovely part about it, it didn't go out or character for him!

Like Andre's song do, they are good, but they don't show his personality in it.

Its probable because he never writes his song for someone.

I think he does for Tori though.

Well, Robbie did, and I wanted to say that I love him.

I really did!

It's just that.. The nervous fluttering feeling came back, and when i opened my mouth to say something, I just gasped.

It toke a second, but I was finally able to bring a word out.

"Hey, what if I just dye my hair blonde?"

I'm Catherine Valentine, professional heart-breaker, hire me sometime.

It was heart-shattering, I could almost literally hear his heart break.

His eyes looked like I just killed his son.

It killed me..

He poured his heart out, just so I forgot about a guy he probable passionately hated.

And I just tell him I'm willing to change myself for that guy completely disregarding that song he just sang for me.

I'm Catherine Valentine, professional gank, hire me sometime.

Fast forward, ignoring a few other offers to go to the most important one.

The last one..

The one where he connected his feelings to me with a single touch of his lips.

When I connected my feelings to him by gently closing my eyes and meeting his lips.

I swear to god I would have kissed him for days if he never pulled back.

His lips were just so.. Plump and big..

Warm and soft.

Perfect.

It wasn't the kiss that stunned and dazed me the most.

It was his feelings.

I don't know how to explain it..

He just exploded his feelings into me with that kiss.

I understood everything, it was..

Amazing.

It was perfect, it was thrilling.

A once in a lifetime experience, when you and your

Creating a flutter of pink galactic magnitude!

With Unicorns and Pink Champagne!

Never forget the Unicorns and Pink Champagne!

Guess what I did after the kiss.

I ran away.

Like a scaredy Cat, pun fully intended, but I can't laugh when it reminds me of the painful memory.

I wish I could experience it again, the kiss that is.

And this time lock my legs away from the rest of my life.

He hasn't made a major move like that ever since!

I'm sure I love him now!

I swear to god!

If he just gives me one more chance.

Just one more chance to prove that I love him.

He isn't ravaging me from the inside.

I am, I caused all of this.

Guess I'm just self-destructive.

But I can't help it.


End file.
